Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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