At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
