Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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