ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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