All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
