I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
