I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
