I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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