Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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