I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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