If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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