just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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