Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
