I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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