it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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