apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
