i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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