would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
