it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
