I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
