It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
