i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
