he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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