Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
