dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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