Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
