I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize