i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
