I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
