We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
