Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
