He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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