My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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