She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
MIDGETS
????
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
