Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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