and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
