dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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