found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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