she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
