I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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