Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
