I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
