Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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