A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
