i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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