3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
