Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
