Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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