we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
