we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
