Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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