yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
