Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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