I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
