i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
where are my eyebrows?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
