like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your penis caused this!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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