haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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