Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
