roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am one with the molecules
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
