How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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