Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
