So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my shit smells like andre
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
