Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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