I think I am morally bankrupt
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
