Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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