I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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