I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
