what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
