whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
