do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
