It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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