Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i believe in u and ur pee
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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