Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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