i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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