Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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